Monday, September 24, 2007

Worn Down

This whole commuter student thing is wearing really, really thin.

This isn't just the exhaustion talking. No, wait, it is the exhaustion talking. Combined with the exhausted limbs that are going to figure out a way to exert revenge for me carrying around a 30 pound(I'm guessing here) backpack-that one of my friend's described as 'bigger than my backpack-and that's saying something'- and the constant 'GO GO GO!' mode I have to be in... I'm just dead.

We only have one car, and my dad has been dropping me off lately. This means that I'm out of the house by 9 am. If I'm lucky. If I'm not lucky, it's more like 8:30. I did not cherish sleep enough when I had it, and now it is gone. I have two hours to kill before my first class, and I spend it at Donkey, sometimes working on some reading for a class, sometimes not. Mostly not. It's not that I'm un-motivated, and it's not really procrastinating. I'm just really, really tired, and spend those hours convincing myself that the sun is not the evil devil spawn come to torture me with its rays of potentially cancerous shininess. It's just the sun.

Gee, I'm really tired right now, too. Can you tell?

Commuting basically is code for nomad. My backpack is gigantic because I have to fit food into it as well as all of the books I need for the day. There is no going home if I realize I left my history book behind, or my jeans are too warm now. I've actually spent the last two days at the place where I work, BEFORE I have to clock in, not because I'm early by mistake, but because it's a nice and quiet space to study. I've resorted to hanging out at my job, because the drinks are free and I know the people there. I need a dorm, or a car, a place to toss my things, and have a change of clothes and maybe some food. Perhaps a hollowed out tree trunk with a changing room attachment. Because those are totally easy to find.

I want to say that I miss normal, because this is not what normal used to be. Normal used to be that I'd spend the day at the library doing school, instead of bopping there for an hour between classes. Normal used to be sleeping in 'til noon because I didn't have anywhere to be and was only slightly behind in my school work. Normal used to be a great deal of wonderful things. But this is the new version of normal. Normal 2.0. Normal with a schedule and deadlines that can't be bent and times to wake up that aren't very bendy, either. I miss the normal I used to have, but I like parts of the new normal. That is what I am going to keep telling myself, anyway.

1 comment:

vorilee said...

so normal. normal.

well, that normal leaves when you start college and begins at some point after finishing it.

it's taken us two months to get into the groove of "normal" for us.

remember, going to bed before midnight does make it easier for the part that is waking up. trust me on this, i remember having to wake up early and drive to campus for those pesky 8am classes.