A new day

I've never understood health insurance, and I'm going to warn you that I don't fully understand the bill that passed last night. My personal jury is still out on whether or not this is a 'good thing,' because I tend to have a very skeptical relationship with most things that come from any institution, regardless of if it's government or private. That is what my college education and deep held love of reading every damn thing I find interesting (on the internet) has given me.

I know that I've never viewed health insurance as a part of my life the way some people might - we had it, in some form or another, for most of my life. We were the 'lucky' ones, the ones who could go to the hospital for an ear ache or sinus infection.

But my yearly physicals were more bi-annual, when they happened at all. I think our co-pay hovered in the $15-20 range per visit, per kid, which might sound like nothing to you but was a LOT to us. We were pretty healthy kids. I usually got hit with a sinus infection or bronchitis every 12-18 months, ending with a trip to the not-quite-emergency room (people in Athens know the name, but I can't remember it right this minute). My mother put off going to the doctor for some (still not fully resolved) issues because of the cost and the knowledge that they wouldn't be able to diagnose quickly and prescribe an easy fix, and I feel like there was also an acknowledgment that whatever it was could be a 'pre-existing condition.' If it wasn't one today, it could be later, when my dad switched jobs again.

So she went to the doctor, they did some stuff, it didn't fix much, and as they were still trying to figure it out, my dad was fired. (Not lost his job, as that implies that the job disappeared to some distant town or country. No, he was fired and it still disgusts me and made me skeptical and resentful of the concept of 'at will' employment.)

We didn't go to the doctor growing up because of the cost. When I was 9, my pediatrician noticed that my collarbones were uneven. My parents didn't shield us from much, or so I thought, but now that I'm older, I realize they did that year. It was the year my youngest brother was born, which is a whole 'nother story, but now I've realized that they kept me from fully understanding the costs of my pediatrician noticing that. I had an x-ray that day, then an MRI (which I fell asleep in) and a CAT scan (which I did not fall asleep in, and was actually quite terrified of). I have no idea how much of that was covered by our insurance. I know that we had some sort of supplemental insurance via the government.

I'm realizing how much I don't understand insurance or health care.

When I started at OU, I signed up for their insurance, which covers all prescriptions (though I'm fuzzy on things like vaccines). Because of the past two years and all the various things I've had to go to the doctor, I've been afraid of getting hit with the 'pre-existing condition.' I've been relieved to spend so little on my doctors visits - $40 paid to the university for the well-being plan has saved me several thousand dollars, as has the nearly $400 I pay per quarter for the insurance. But I've looked toward graduation with a wary eye, afraid that I will get a job and be punished for things beyond my control.

So, there is a sense of relief at the rules for 2014. But also a fear, for my family.

Things are improving for us, economically, but how are they supposed to afford insurance they are now required to buy? (Yes, they've been covered by the state, but it's a fluctuating thing that, again, I don't fully understand.) How does THAT work?

I'm for health care/insurance for all. I don't think kids should have to grow up without getting to see the doctor or the dentist or the optometrist. I don't think adults should have to stay in crappy jobs just because they have insurance they don't get to use, but they need it because they get the flu once a year, or their kids tend to get ear infections.

But I'm skeptical. I have a history of disappointments and insurance not equalling health care.

Are you kidding?

Today, I got an e-mail from OU's dean of students, Ryan Lombardi. We have had something like SEVEN cases of meningitis on campus in the past two years, which is a LOT when you think about it. Because of collaboration with the CDC, it's been determined that all of the students who have contracted the illness had the same DNA profile, which makes these cases an outbreak.

Because of this, the university has decided that it will be requiring that all students get the meningitis vaccine starting in fall 2010. All current students will be required to have it and all freshman will be required to have gotten it, if I am understanding the e-mail correctly. This isn't that surprising, though requiring vaccinations always seems to result in a bit of a controversy and I can't wait to see the 'but it's my body and why should I get a shot?!' letters in The Post.

My complaint lies in what this e-mail COMPLETELY LACKED, which was information of where you could get the vaccine in Athens. So, I googled, googled a bit more, and finally tried the university health center's website. I knew that they provided vaccines, but assumed that they didn't provide the meningitis vaccine, since they didn't include a link in the e-mail.

So, I went to: http://www.ohio.edu/hudson/index.cfm, which I am providing for context. On the left hand side is a menu. I clicked 'health promotion,' which did NOT, in fact, include any information about vaccines that I could find. So I went back to the main page and clicked 'student health services,' scrolled down the un-alphabetized list on the left and chose 'services provided.' A page with a list pops up, un-alphabetized again, and I clicked immunizations (which, okay, guys, pick a word. Are the immunizations or vaccines?). Finally, a list of what vaccines Hudson provides and when you could get them.

That link should have been included in the e-mail, or should be accessible on the front page of Hudson's site. Also, the page should include prices and information on whether or not the university's insurance will pay for any of what they offer. I suspect that is not common knowledge, so it isn't that much of a stretch to feel that our Dean should have provided this information instead of just informing us of what he and the university have determined about these cases.

Songs about pressure

Queen and David Bowie, "Under Pressure."

Tegan and Sara, "Floorplan."

Other songs about pressure?

Winter

I surround myself with stuff. Books, pens, bottles and cups, sticky notes and scissors when I am studying. Layers of scarves, earmuffs, shirts, leggings, socks and more when I am walking around town. I like the feeling of being surrounded by things, of having a purpose, of being warm and safe.

I don't know why I do this. I do it during the spring as well, at least the surrounding myself with stuff thing. But during the winter, it's more like I'm putting up a barrier between myself and the cold. Enough books, enough pens, and the winter's cold won't touch me. In the spring, it's an enjoyment of the sun, a soaking in of the color of the sun on the pages and the tables and the pure life that seems to fill every area around me. Winter is a time of hibernation.

Winter is quiet.

I used to surround myself with solitude during the winter, embrace my hermit like inclinations and hunker down behind the books. Hours spent with my class assignments and iPod and DVDs watched by myself.

Winter is busy.

This winter I've gone dancing. Watched movies with friends and played board games in coffee shops. Explained why I wear my claddagh ring on my left ring finger when I go dancing. Learned how to set someone on fire without actually burning them. My inner hermit has been gently pushed onto an island and asked to enjoy the quiet in that back corner of my room.

Winter is.

Turning 20

Tomorrow is my 20th birthday. There's a lot going on in my life, so much so that I don't know where to start and some of it is unbloggable.

So, a playlist of songs that mean something to me from this year.

1. The Fear - Lily Allen

2. Cemetery Drive - My Chemical Romance (more significant overall than from this year. It's just a song I love for no logical reason)

3. Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie

4. The Night Starts Here - Stars

5. Hearts on Fire - Cut Copy

6. Weightless - All Time Low (lyric "And I'm over getting older.")

7. Wish -Paper Route

8. I'm Ready - Jack's Mannequin

9. It's Alright, Baby - Komeda (see if you can listen to this without feeling at least a smidge better)

10. Nineteen - Tegan & Sara

11. Breakable - Ingrid Michaelson

12. This Modern Love - Bloc Party

13. Don't Stop the Music - Rihanna

14. Oh My God - Ida Maria

15. Just a Girl - No Doubt

16. I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You - Black Kids

17. Under Pressure - Queen

18. So Long, Astoria - The Ataris

19. Grow Old With Me - The Postal Service (a cover of John Lennon. Melancholy and beautiful.)

20. Dancing in the Dark - Tegan & Sara

Turning 20 is bittersweet. Wonderful and odd. New. Old.

Four hours from now, I'm 20.

To fall off the face of the earth (and get vaguely graphic upon return)

This quarter has been the quarter I've been sick. This quarter has been the quarter where I have struggled, where I have been that girl. The one who skips class, who doesn't turn in assignments, who sleeps through classes because getting out of bed is just too much effort. The girl with a million excuses.

I have been sick, though. I started the quarter with an inner ear viral infection. I was dizzy, so dizzy I had to cling to the walls to walk and stick my arms out like planks to stay balanced.

I never really recovered from that. I've been exhausted all quarter. I went back to the student health center last week and was diagnosed with... another virus.

That one was a real charmer. I couldn't stand to have my clothes on, or at least, I couldn't stand having them touch me. I was nauseous and I had a very nice, rich cough. Just in time for homecoming and a dear friend and Jon to come into town.

I rested when I could, and then went out and acted like I wasn't ill the rest of the time. Then my tonsils, which have given me issues for YEARS, swelled up. Those of you who aren't intimately familiar with your tonsils, you are very, very lucky. I know when mine are angry. I know when mine are filled with gross crap. I know when mine are doing all right, simply because they aren't causing me any problems for once.

So my left tonsil swells up. And up. And up. It hurts to talk, and it hurts to swallow, and it just plain hurts. I tried to just recover on Monday, because I didn't have time to go to the doctor's. I'd caved to the concept of going to the doctor when I finally noticed the hole/blister on my left tonsil. My angry red swollen tonsil. With a blistery hole on it.

Yeah, just envision that for a moment.

Sorry.

So, I go back to the doctor. This is my third visit of the quarter, my third trip with prescription drugs, my first go-round on antibiotics this quarter. The CNP informed me that I either have strep, tonsillitis, or an upper respiratory infection. She prescribed a broad spectrum antibiotic (closely related to penicillin) and sent me on my merry way.

The antibiotic and the yogurt I ate disagreed. If you ever need to throw up in a public bathroom, attempt to have the presence of mind to cover up the motion sensor, or you'll get to experience what I experienced, which was a toilet flushing in my face while I puked into it. Even in the moment, I found it ridiculously funny. Partially because I never throw up.

Sorry, again.

It's the seventh week of the quarter and I'm just hoping that I finally start feeling healthy. Hoping that everything I've let fall by the side this quarter is something I can pick back up. Hoping that life gets a little bit better, because lately it has sucked (there is much more than just being ill going on in my life, which I'll write about eventually. Maybe. If life ever settles down enough for me to feel comfortable sharing.).

Music Monday: Songs to Get Stuck in Your Head

Today's Music Monday is a mish mash of stuff as I'm in a rush to go North for the Iglu & Hartly concert. So, songs to get stuck in your head (or, a taste of possible music mondays to come).

First up, Aesop Rock's "None Shall Pass." Jon got me hooked on this guy. Check him out.

Next up? Tegan and Sara's "Back in Your Head." I heard "Walking with a Ghost" in 2006, picked up So Jealous and The Con quickly afterward, and am now looking forward to their new album, Sainthood, which is due to drop at the end of October. With "Back in Your Head," I've always felt like this summarizes a relationship when you're starting to fight and wondering if it's all worth it. Having been through enough of this in the past... well, yeah.

With EIGHT MILLION views on YouTube, does Mika really need my little rec here? Well, maybe. Mostly I want you to dig out your Queen's Greatest Hits album and think about a 'man' named Crowely. (Wikipedia Good Omens if you've no idea what I'm talking about).

Finally, one last recommendation. My sister came across Owl City at some point or another and forwarded me the video for their song "Fireflies." But I like this video, and you might as well have something FUN to do with your spare time, right? Right. (Apologies for the size differentials here. Dunno why it is, but I did my best to make sure all the videos were similar in size.)

Music Monday: Amanda Palmer

I first heard Amanda Palmer as one half of the duo Dresden Dolls, not long after my eighteenth birthday. I'd heard of the Dresden Dolls long before that, and all I really knew is that they did 'Punk Cabaret,' which made no sense to me at all when I stumbled across them in AP magazine. But I loved the way the band looked in the photos I saw of them. I wanted to be the woman in the photos. Except... with my eyebrows, since hers looked drawn on. I liked my eyebrows.

The first song I heard from the Dresden Dolls was "Sex Changes." I loved this song. Loved the way it sounded, loved the way the lyrics worked, loved the pure energy that went into it.

(The option to embed the video I linked to is disabled, so here is a live version for those of you that hate clicking through to another page.)

But my interest dead ended there, at least for a time. A lot of it had to do with my limited access to high-speed internet and the pressure of school; I was constantly busy with classes and while I got a laptop last year, my folks didn't get high-speed until late last year. I still talk about it with a note of frustration in my voice, while many of my friends say, "Wow. I forgot about dial-up."

AHEM.

So my potential love of the Dresden Dolls got lost in the slush and snow of winter, and while I listened to the two songs I had on my iPod, I never went looking for anymore.

Then Neil Gaiman started posting on Twitter about a book he was working on called "Who Killed Amanda Palmer." This past spring he mentioned on his blog that he was dating Amanda Palmer. She was also on twitter. I followed her quickly afterward and loved her quirky style (they went on a road trip and she wore a horrible lime green paisley lonnnnng dress. My new love is things that are possibly ugly, thanks in part to her). I don't know when it came up, but it came to my attention that she was the lead singer of the Dresden Dolls.

Well, that stopped me in my tracks a little bit.

Then life went and swept me up again. Finals and helping friends move and then working 40 hour weeks because EVERYONE goes and decides to take vacation at the same time and... I still don't own a single Amanda Palmer or Dresden Dolls album.

But my youtube explorations have me reconsidering my failures. (This video is not for the faint hearted. Not many songs can gloss over rape, but this one kind of does.)

See what I mean about the eyebrows? Or the style for that matter?

One of the things I love about Amanda is she is an entertainer, and not in the straight-up crass manner that you so often see in female performers of late. It helps that she's not 16 and having to wait for her eighteenth birthday to be allowed to cut her hair. (For those readers who don't get bored and read Miley Cyrus's twitter, she is the particular pop starlet that I'm referring to.)

It looks as though the majority of the songs from Who Killed Amanda Palmer? are available in a series of videos through her youtube page. There is also a companion book, with pictures of her in various forms of being dead with words/stories by Neil Gaiman. (That link also goes to the WKAP website, for those of you that prefer to avoid youtube links.)

So, why am I recommending someone whose albums I don't own? Because in the few months that I have been following Amanda on twitter, she has been an amazing, entertaining person to follow. She started Losers Of Friday Night On Their Computers (LOFNOTC) on Twitter and will often respond to the @ replies she gets. She is someone who has become known and loved by her fans NOT for drinking or being naked, but for being a talented, hard-working musician/performer, who is willing to connect with fans. What's not to like?

I believe I read on her blog that she is planning on touring the east coast this fall (which I hope includes Ohio, as it is more East than West), so keep an eye on her twitter or website for an eventual tour announcement. I have a feeling she will be completely worth the cash to see.

Quiet, furious rage

Is that title perhaps a bit redundant? I DON'T CARE.

It had been a long week for me, last week was, one that I was hoping would be brightened by a fun filled concert on Thursday. I had tickets to see Blink-182, with Fall Out Boy and Panic! at the Disco. I was excited. It was an excuse to dance (the area I was going to be in was large enough that I wasn't too concerned about moshers this time 'round) and an excuse to visit my sister and an excuse to have FUN.

Overall, I had fun. But there was this one part, this itty-bitty part which has eaten at me like the worst heartburn a person can ever experience.

There were 20,000 people at the concert, and a majority of the people there had lawn tickets. I was one of the people who snapped up a lawn ticket (wrongly) assuming that the view would be reasonable enough to go without a decent seat. I was there by myself, unlike most of the people there. I ended up befriending a girl and two guys (who didn't know each other until we started talking before Blink took the stage).

I ended up in front of this girl's friend, a guy. I was dancing, having FUN, rocking out, generally rocking out more than I usually do at a concert. It was VERY packed, so we were shoulder-to-shoulder, front-to-back across the entire lawn. Every fifth person was smoking, and I was about six inches shorter than all of the people around me. I was very hot and, periodically, I would get dizzy from the smoke and the heat. Breathing problems for the win, yes?

So, I'm dancing to this one song. I could tell you which one if I heard it, but I imagine I'm already blocking this out, because the whole thing just PISSED ME OFF. Because, out of the blue, I feel a hand GRAB MY ASS like it is hoping to take a chunk off.

MY. ASS.

I stopped dead in the middle of my dancing, rigid as a board, my brain scrambling at what sort of reaction I needed to scrape up. I was on auto-pilot, so my initial reaction was to wave it off as an 'accident' like all of the bumps and slaps and slams I'd been getting up until that point. He leaned in, said "SORRY!" loud enough for me to hear. I couldn't think. What was I supposed to think? Do? Say? It wasn't a mace-level offense, but it was enough to... be worthy of a response.

When the song ended, he leaned in, again. "Sorry! I just like to grab things!"

I JUST LIKE TO GRAB THINGS?! I thought. Really! REALLY! THAT WAS HIS EXCUSE!

I am angry and disgusted. My reaction ended up being slowly inching my way through the crowd, away from this man, quashing any major reaction at that moment because what could I do? There was no space to turn around, and the opportunity to hit him like he deserved for the unwanted action had passed. It was too loud to yell at him, dress him down. Part of me wanted to go the pure rejection route, make up some line better than "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" because so many people act like that is simply a paper barrier, no more strong than the gowns you wear when you visit the doctor for the yearly physical.

"Wow. My girlfriend is going to love having me fork over the twenty she bet me about tonight," I purred in my head, my voice both sweet and so cutting.

I stayed silent. The anger built as I found myself worrying over my dancing, where I stood, how much I knocked into the people around me. Focusing on things that had been background motion and noise to me seconds before, making me less confident, less able to stick a jump.

I was shot back to earth, furious and betrayed and, worst of all, worst than anything? I felt like a BAD PERSON. As if I had done something wrong, simply by enjoying myself.

Maybe he wouldn't have done that if I hadn't kept dancing into him, my treacherous brain whispered, as if we were in the 1950's and men were still allowed to pass off the blame of any wrong to a woman. Maybe if I hadn't been moving around so much... Even though it wasn't on purpose that I knocked into him, even though I had done nothing wrong, the thoughts built, mounting, orienting themselves inward instead of outward. Anger at myself for enjoying the concert instead of at him for thinking that he could fix things with that stupid apology.

The fury eventually edged that out. It is now hanging out with regret, the horrid regret of not doing anything. My brain shut down and I didn't fight my way back out, didn't get to express how angry I was. He knew he did something wrong, sure, but he almost made it seem like it was my fault. My ass, the way he put it, was simply too tempting to not grab. This is the second time in a week (third, in some ways) that I have been objectified, reduced, made less than, by a person's actions/comments. These incidences have left me dumbfounded, wondering where feminism is, what happened to it, that men are comfortable, again, with reducing women to a pair of tits in a dress or an ass in a pair of shorts.

Music Monday: Ingrid Michaelson

Apparently, everyone and their brother knows who this is, if the internet is to be believed. Ingrid Michaelson had a song in an Old Navy commercial a while back, "The Way I Am," and it ended up being fairly popular, so if you recognize this song, it's from that.

The reason I ended up finally stumbling across her music was pre-college. MemAud had a playlist for the evening, when I worked, that had this song in it. After two weeks of sitting there, wondering who is this and hoping I'd remember to google it when I got home, I finally asked the stage tech, who tracked down her name for me. The more I look into her music, the more I find out that everyone has probably known this artist for quite a while now, whether or not we knew it - if you watch Grey's Anatomy, you might recognize her music, because they've used her many, many times.

She has toured and recorded with artists whose names you might recognize, like Sara Bareilles (link is to a song they recorded together) and Jason Mraz. Basically, this woman has been making amazing music and been the background noise in some of the most popular shows on TV for a few years now. Shouldn't we embrace HER, now, too?

Not yet convinced that she's worth checking out? Then the only thing I can really say here is this music? This music is for romantics.

Ingrid is going on tour at the end of August to support her latest album, which is due out August 25. Check her out before you find yourself having to ask, "Hey, who is this?" while in your friends car.

Oh My God

Tuesday, I went up to Columbus with my fam, but this was different from the usual trips north, because I was in MY car. I had tickets to see Ida Maria, who is a musician from Sweden... I think. I don't know what I was expecting. I found her through some blog or another a few months back and instantly fell in love with her most well known single, "I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked."

If you haven't heard of her, no worries. Most people haven't. My sister directed me to her before I 'found' her on my own, but, for whatever reason, I didn't actually LISTEN to her music until later. But it was catchy and loud and very, very punk-rock. At least, it was to my less than savvy ears.

So, when I found out she was playing the Basement up in Columbus, I instantly bought tickets to the show. INSTANTLY. There was no thought process, no dilly dallying or wondering. I knew I had the day off, and I knew that I wanted to see her live.

The opening act was Ezra Furman & the Harpoons, an interesting band that I wouldn't mind hearing more of. I was in the ten-by-ten foot concrete square directly in front of the stage, and I stood there, marveling at the fact that no one was dancing, at all, and that the guy in front of me kept moving to exactly where I was standing, ruining my view. I went from being able to see the whole band to seeing the top third of the lead singer, and that was it.

That little concrete square stayed relatively empty during EF&TH, so I (wrongly) I assumed it would stay empty for Ida. But the MINUTE they walked off the stage and the crew started setting up for Ida, it began to get very, very crowded. So crowded that the only reason I had any room to move is no-one was standing behind the tall guy, who was still somewhat in front of me.

Ida took the stage and everyone cheered. I was shocked by how loud and well-done the music was. It's rare to hear a live musician sound so GOOD live. As the crowd started to move, enjoying the music, I felt someone knock into me. It wasn't the first time someone had knocked into me, but it was a repeated hitting. I don't mind dancing at concerts - honestly, I LOVE dancing at live shows - but I don't like dancing when it is moshing and it is knocking into me. I scoped out my spot during the opening the act SPECIFICALLY so I wouldn't have to deal with asshole moshers. But this girl...

She did not stop. Ida played for maybe 45 minutes, and during that time, several of her friends took turns 'watching' her, which seemed to consist of helping this girl throw herself into the crowd in a stupid, reckless attempt at crowd surfing. EVERY SINGLE TIME she did this, she got dropped very quickly and smacked her head on the concrete floor. The second time it happened, Ida asked, several times, "Are you okay? Honey, you okay?" After that, I think she (and the majority of the crowd) accepted that this girl adhered to the idea of 'I get knocked down, but I get up again.'

I hated this girl, and her friends/family. Mainly her friends and family. She was so far gone - Jon and I nearly had an argument over this, but I still hold to the fact that she HAD to have been blitzed or high. She had this wild look in her eyes, a look of absence. She was not there. To me, when you go with people to a concert, especially if you are going to be drinking, you are there to take care of your friends. She should have been taken home, especially given how she was acting before the Ida took the stage.

The concert was all right - I would've liked a little bit more banter and interaction between Ida and the crowd. She was truly good - she sounded GOOD, and was very passionate.

At the end of the concert, I raced out of the crowd, knowing, instinctively, that I did not want to be in the central area for the encore. I was right - the girl lived up to Ida's penultimate song, two songs too late, and stripped off her top and bra, to the wild cheers of everyone not in the actual pit with her.

In the light of day, outside of that crowd and away from that girl, I can say that the concert was fun. Would I go see her again? I honestly don't know. I wouldn't stand in the front again - I kept getting pushed closer and closer to the stage, which meant I was closer to the girl, which caused me no end of anxiety. I got kneed in the face one of the times the girl tried to crowd surf, and that was enough injury and moshing for me. I screamed along to "Oh My God," the only way I could calm down. It was exhilarating and terrifying and awful and fun.

Tonight I get to see Blink-182, Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco. Maybe that concert will treat me better.

The fruits I used to hate? Check

Coming in at number 12 on my list is 'try the fruits I thought were gross when I was younger.' One of those fruits was the mango.

I can't say WHY it offended me so much that I decided it was not for me, years ago. It might have been something as simple as it was a weird fruit, exotic, and not in a way that I was willing to embrace.

While at Kroger's a while back, I stopped in the fruit section and admired a beautiful red-and-orange mango. Part of me whispered, prodded, poked, reminding me that I wanted to try again, see if this fruit was worthy of my hatred, or if it was the usual childish 'ew, YUCK' without actually TRYING IT reaction that had prompted this lifelong ban.

I brought the mango home and left it on the counter for a day or two. I wasn't sure how to cut a mango. I knew the skin wasn't edible; my grandfather is a fan of mangos, so he'd explained that much to me at some point during my childhood. So, I googled 'how to cut a mango,' committed the instructions to memory, and eventually went about the process of getting the mango to an edible point.

The mango was painfully ripe. It was almost impossible to get a firm grip on it.

This is the mess that I ended up with. The mango smelled sweet, almost perfume-y, and I wondered if it would taste right. It hadn't looked rotten or anything, so I assumed it was good.

Here I am, preparing for the first bite:

Oh, dear skeptical face from the past, how'd I love to cuddle you and reassure you that everything will be all right.

And here I am, on my second or third bite. Trust me, this is the face I made with every single bite:

I was fairly certain I was going to die. It was citrus and sweet at the same time, like eating an orange after it has been dipped in mango scented perfume. I can't stand citrus, except on the rare occasions when I crave orange juice. I've tried to make nice with oranges and grapefruits several times, and it always fails miserably. There are some oranges I like (the little ones? I don't know their name), but the mango did NOT remind me of any GOOD oranges.

I could see myself trying it again, one day. Maybe one that isn't quite so ripe, though Dad and my brother insisted that it tasted exactly like it should. Maybe I just need to put mangos on the list of things that only taste good when pulverized and mixed with other things.

Can't wait until I try kiwi.

Music Monday

A few weeks ago, I was going through my iTunes, and found a SXSW sampler that I got from Amazon back in March. I have this habit of downloading many of the free songs Amazon offers every week, because I've found some of my favorite musicians through samplers. For whatever reason, I ended up playing the sampler all the way through. It features Anberlin, honeyhoney, Paper Route, Rocco Deluca and The Burden, Tyrone Wells, and, finally, Iglu & Hartly. If none of these bands sound familiar to you, don't worry, most of them were completely unfamiliar to me, too. (I saw Anberlin at a music festival in 2007, which may have been why I ended up listening to the sampler.) I threw the sampler on as background noise as I cleaned or something, and then "In This City" by Iglu & Hartly started playing.

It was catchy. It was different. It instantly drove me to google them. I found their site insanely annoying, and assumed they were British, given the color choices (it reminds me of Lily Allen's first album cover: busy and colorful).

But that song. It stuck in my head. I turned it up to dangerously loud levels as I drove, blasted it in the background as I raced through the Twilight books, and it very quickly took over all of my other music.

I ended up going to the neighborhood record store, because I refuse to give iTunes my money, and amazon didn't have the album available as a download. I had to order & Then Boom, and wait four days before finally getting the album into my hands. I knew I would like it, because I checked out the songs that were available on blip.fm first, something I've been doing whenever I find an artist I really dig. The entirety of & Then Boom is available on there for blipping to your heart's content, and it let me listen to the entire album through their 'preview' option.

I got the CD on Friday and have been playing it non-stop since then. I don't just like this album, I love it. I'm going to see Ida Maria in Columbus on Tuesday, but I can't stop listening to & Then Boom. Day Glo has replaced In This City as my favorite song by them, and I'm wondering when my love of them will fade. I'm hoping that it'll be a while, because I'm loving this band, SO MUCH, and I'd rather it be a long lasting love, and not just a summer fling.

I really feel like Iglu & Hartly isn't going to be an 'unknown' band for too long (I say unknown because one of my friends, the ultimate person when it comes to knowing about every band ever before they are even relatively popular, hadn't heard of them until I asked him about them); their music is much too catchy and addictive, and it's impossible to resist sharing their music. Hope you guys like 'em as much as I do. If things work out, I'll be letting you know how they are live at the beginning of next month; they'll be playing the Grog Shop in Cleveland August 31st.

Packed to the gills

This heat has heat me like a swift right hook to the face, knocking me out and leaving me woozy and nauseated. It has been, in short, unpleasant. Yesterday found me in the kitchen, hands braced on my knees, focusing VERY HARD on keeping my breakfast in my stomach while everything spun and my entire body decided sweating excessively was helpful.

Tomorrow I'm going to the Ohio state fair with a friend for her birthday. Then I'm going back on Tuesday with my family. I like the fair and have the day off. Don't judge me. They have a place that is devoted to SLUSHIES. Which I love dearly. Hopefully my body acclimates to this weather and I stop getting dizzy and wanting to puke all the time before tomorrow.

As of right now, August looks as though it will filled with a lot of Mighty Summering. I've started taking care of the 'eat fruits I used to think were gross' thing, and, trust me, the pictures tell the story. I'm gonna try and hit Pittsburgh the middle of this month, so if anyone has any recommended places to hit up, I would appreciate the suggestions. I'm spending a day or two in Cinci (for the Blink-182 concert), and my time in Cleveland is in limbo as Jon's stuff is also in limbo, for various reasons.

After my multiple concerts between April and June (three major ones), it looks like I'm about to stuff in three in August alone. That should be interesting...

This post doesn't have much of a point, other than for me to admit that the next few weeks should be crazy and a good smack of fun before school starts. I'm officially signed up for 20 hours again, lets hope I kick butt without getting it kicked this time.

Unsolicited advice

Jon and I have been in a long distance relationship of the dating variety since December of 2007, and ever since we declared ourselves to be 'dating,' I've often found myself the receiver of a laundry list of advice. I've been told that my relationship is doomed for so many reasons, from the fact that we started out long distance (people magically ignore that we were friends for TWO YEARS before that) to the fact that he is my first boyfriend. I've been told that my relationship is doomed because of my behavior or because we struggle to agree to disagree.

I'm fed up. YES, I do tend to talk about my problems with Jon, but what relationship doesn't have flaws? You know WHY I talk about our issues, even when we are doing really well, having hit a groove I think most couples don't? Because of the damn naysayers. All the people who say we are doomed constantly push me to look at my relationship, to hold up all of the bad parts and go 'is this worth it?' and then I get told the same thing I was told before, forcing me to go back and go 'oh, hey, THIS is a problem, too.' This causes no end of stress for Jon and me, as I can suddenly lash out at him over something that was insignificant until, suddenly, it wasn't.

I'm getting better at letting these things roll off my back, at ignoring them or telling the person that is trying to impart their 'wisdom' on me that I'd rather not hear it, that I've heard this before, this is old news compadre. Some people are better at hearing this than others. I'm tempted to print up business cards, only something snarky, a reverse business card, to give to people when they do this:

"Hi! I don't need to put my name here, because, you know what, I'M JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! I feel an irrepressible urge to share my opinion with you, even if I don't know you that well! Don't want to hear it? TOO BAD! I have to tell you that you can't ever behave in selfish or immature manner, that YOU are a bad person for ever being mean to your significant other, that S/HE would not act a certain way if you didn't prompt the behavior. PS you are not a saint, and the only way to have a successful long term relationship is to date as many people as possible before settling down."

Too wordy?

The funny thing is that most people are supportive. People who weren't when they first got to know me are, because, if nothing else, they've seen how I get around Jon, how I relax. But I'm really tired of the unsolicited advice, especially the insistence that my relationship is 'doomed' because it is my first, because I'm having to learn some of this stuff as I go. It is so frustrating to have people tell me that I am going to fail, because 'so many' before me have failed. Not everyone fails, but I imagine that those that do aren't helped by their 'helpful' friends and their advice.

So, excited?

Freshman orientation started today at OU, which meant that I got to go sit in MemAud and happily sell a few dozen copies of the 'required' freshman English class reader, Cion. It actually went disturbingly well, especially compared to last year. Sure, it was the first day, but a girl can hope that THAT is the way things are supposed to go, right? With a wonderful lack of complaining about having to buy a book (AS IF COLLEGE IS ABOUT NOT BUYING BOOKS) or countless people INSISTING that their child tested out of Freshman English, which is a class almost no-one tests out of. Administrators can count on ONE HAND the amount of students who pass the test every year.

I wish I was joking.

The problem with orientation is that it serves as an ugly reminder that classes start soon. Of course, soon appears to be seven weeks away from tomorrow, if I am counting right. That seems really far away, but I know it will past like a dream. The little voice in my head is already starting the nagging, the quiet muttering about all the things I need to do, like review Chinese and buy notebooks and get that pink slip that I've been putting off getting and... the list goes on. The list gets particularly nasty when it gets late. My brain refuses to shut down and I lay there, curling into a ball, wishing I could look forward to next quarter without all the worrying I am living through. The 'what-if's have left me alternating between crashing hard and staying up until the wee hours, a cruel insomnia that has left me in love with streaming video on the internet. I watched the first season of Dexter a few weeks ago. At two am. Oddly, my dreams revolved around arguments, babies and cars, none of which has to do with Dexter.

It's almost amusing to see all of these people in Athens, after so many weeks of quiet. They all seem to be filled with this nervous buzz, this mixture of excitement and nerves. It's hard for me to not grab them by the shoulders, shake them and say, repeatedly, 'DO NOT TAKE 20 HOURS YOUR FIRST QUARTER!!!'

The voice of experience is always trust worthy when coming from a young blonde who is screaming in your face, right?

My nerves aren't helped by the state's current financial situation. We finally passed our budget, but they got rid of the tuition freeze (I'm expecting to hand over an additional $100 a quarter as soon as Winter Quarter), razed the Ohio College Opportunity Grant ($2496 turned into $1080 or something along those lines, and limited what institutions received that money), and... reinstated the Ohio Academic Scholarship, a scholarship I received when I graduated high school. It lost some money, but not a lot(all info I used here was taken from the Board of Regents site). But OU isn't listing the OAS until they get a formal letter from the state telling it that the OAS is being given out to students again. I had a VERY FUN TIME at the fin aid office finding this out today.

Like pretty much every other office on campus, OU's fin aid office has some student employees that they have working the front desks. This drives me INSANE, because these students are often stumped by my questions, and I'm not quite blunt enough to insist that I'd rather wait for a non-student to answer my questions. Today, I had to explain what I was asking about multiple times, explaining no less than THREE times that the OAS was a scholarship, not a grant, and NO, I was NOT talking about the OCOG. The girl had no idea what I was talking about, at all, and after about five minutes, a higher up came over and explained why the OAS wasn't on my fin aid letter. Basically, I just get to sit and wait and hope that Ohio gets those letters out before mid-August, when fall's first payment is due. If it had taken any longer for someone who actually knew what I was talking about to walk over and explain this, I probably would have ended up storming through the office, harassing people until I found someone who could answer my damn questions.

All of this has me wondering, how can anyone be excited about classes starting back up? My only saving grace right now is that I am very, very likely to be switching my degree program (or adding a third major - what's a little more insanity?) into an area that I find myself increasingly passionate about, which you'll hear all about once I've gotten everything worked out.

Snippets

1. I have eaten almost half a cream cheese pound cake in the past two days. It was a little eggy fresh out of the oven, but once it had time to cool? Delicious. The recipe is here, and I am in love with it because it is, A, six ingredients, B, disgustingly easy, and, C, really pretty. It is rich and golden on the outside, and dense and creamy on the inside.

2. Gloves. I have had some yarn since my birthday that I planned to use to make a pair of elbow-length gloves. I am in love with this pattern and really looking forward to unleashing my knitting skills on it.

3. I bought my tickets for the Ohio state fair yesterday. I'm taking a friend who has never been, as her birthday present. Hope she likes livestock as much as me! Also, my mom is in the Fine Arts exhibit, so I'm looking forward to that. She can be a bit of a creative genius.

4. I also picked up an Orchid. No idea how to take care of it, but I have one now. It's pretty.

5. It's rainy and dreary and once again not looking like it is a summer month. Also, it is about six weeks until school starts again. Hold me.

A wedding, a zombie after party, and an argument over the word 'bewildered'

One of my dearest friends, who now goes by Dr. Wife, got married last Friday. Dr. Wife got me through Chinese, and kindly reminded me that it is nearly impossible to fail that class after a near-epic failure of a final oral presentation. She's also amazingly funny, charming, and the type of person that you want around because she just manages to make things more fun.

Did I mention she and her husband decided that a post-wedding zombie party was the perfect way to celebrate?

The wedding was a little over a half-hour away from Jon's apartment, so we left with about 45 minutes until it was supposed to start. We had directions, we our zombie gear, we had everything we needed. What we didn't have, charmingly enough, was the knowledge that I-80 just off of I-76 is currently being repaired. Neither did any of the other drivers on the road, including the 12 billion semis in front of us. The best part was that, over a mile away from the construction, traffic stopped. Dead. Completely. Oh, it inched forward, creeping along at a snail's pace, but I only had eyes for my dashboard clock. Eventually, the brake lights disappeared and traffic crept through the construction, resuming 'legal' speed with Jon and I assuming our hawk-eye positions the second the bright orange 'END CONSTRUCTION' sign came into view.

We got there literally seconds before the bridesmaids were supposed to start entering the chapel.

The service was beautiful. The bride was spectacular - when Jon and I rushed in, I stopped, dumb-founded to find my friend so gussied up and, honestly, drop-dead gorgeous. I'd never been to a wedding before, so I found myself wondering if I was supposed to say 'amen' or something else every time the moment came to say something. Fish out of water, my half-Jew self was.

We were supposed to party immediately following the nuptials, but ended up getting rained out. You can't have a proper zombie bash indoors, you know. At least, it is very expensive to have a zombie party indoors. All the smashed glass and blood really does a number on your homeowners insurance. So we made plans for the next day and eventually parted ways. For most of us, it was the first time we'd spent time together in a month or longer, so there was no rush to return back to our hotels and apartments.

The next day was significantly more successful, at least, the zombie party was. Once we got there. Jon maintains that we got 'slightly bewildered for a while' while I maintain that we got 'lost.' There was a detour with no follow up signs and it took us a little while to realize that the exit we needed was probably on the other side of the highway, and if we got back on it, we might manage to make it to the zombie party before the big next day reception. We did, albeit with a certain amount of... tension in the car. But we got there!

I ended up being a zombie farm girl, while Jon went with Billy Mays. Taste? What is this taste of which you speak? One of Dr. Wife's bridesmaids was Paula Abdul's career, and Dr. Wife's husband was Heath Ledger. Taste is for other people.

The rest of the day went beyond well. There was food and booze and games, the kind that you actually want to play (a card game called Fluxx was played a few times). I did not want the weekend to end, and am looking forward to the next big celebration that draws my friends together. There's something magical about weddings, something I'd have to be a much better writer to capture. So, I leave you with a video:

Do the loopy dance for me

I'm packing up for a wedding, which has so far consisted of gathering things into piles and leaving them there, waiting for me to haphazardly stuff them into my bag. This isn't much different from my usual packing method, except I'm fitting in some make-up and shoes and wondering what I'm forgetting.

This will be the first wedding I have attended since I was a toddler, so I'm not sure what to expect. All I know is that it is going to be short and there is going to be a post-reception party that I will detail when I have the gory pictures to accompany the story.

Speaking of gory pictures:

WHO KNEW MY CHIN WAS THAT POINTY?

Oh, and we can now cross the second item off my list, that ol' pesky learn to drive stick shift, thanks to my co-worker Bryan, who happily volunteered to teach me this summer when I first brought up the desire to learn last spring.

In this photo, I am going about 15 mph, because we were on a gravel road. I only stalled out two or three times (not counting when I tried to pull into his driveway), and got better with each try at the stopping/starting/shifting things you have to learn. According to Jon, Miata clutch's are some of the more difficult ones, so the fact that I didn't have that much trouble with it shows both, A, how much I have improved as a driver, and, B, how good of a teacher I had. It's all about the see-saw I have learned, and I don't plan to forget that any time soon.

Feast your eyes, box your ears

I've not been having the best few days, so I decided some pictures were in order. I love photos of fireworks, more than I can even begin to describe. They just make my heart swell with joy and anticipation, like the build-up before your favorite band takes the stage.

This was one of the first photos to really POP OUT at me and scream 'pay attention.' It reminds me of tinsel and christmas lights, without the feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach when you remember you have to take it all down in a few weeks.

Butterflies. Does anyone else see them? Or is it just me?

This makes me think of summer and deep sea creatures at the same time; the green at the top of the photo MUST be a light up antennae meant to attract a hapless fish. The lights at the bottom MUST be a wild strip of rides on the boardwalk. Although the boardwalk rides were often more colorful, they just make me think of boardwalk rides, and the pure joy of reaching the top of a ferris wheel, only to come plunging back to earth.

A dancer is there, surrounded by lights; the start and end of a dramatic scene - her lover has left her, and she is about to sprout the wings she needs. The shape of her head just says 'surprise and hurt,' doesn't it?

An animal, rows of wicked teeth, a fierce tail with a dangerous stinger. Its body weight should not be supported by its few delicate legs, but, like the bumblebee that shouldn't be able to fly, it walks. He seems lonely, up there in the sky, all by himself.